Válaszd ki a kibaszott pokemonod! - játékkönyv by David Neilsen (fordítás előtt)

forrás

1

You are Big Bertha, novice Pokémon trainer. You have come to Flannel Island in search of the rumored, ultra-rare (and highly collectable) Pokémon, Buford. This is your life's ambition. You don't have many friends. You have arrived with two Pokémon of your own, Legless (a squirrel-like thing with no legs) and Yuckipoo (a rabbit-shaped creature who likes to fling poo). You are standing on the beach, what would you like to do first?

• Dig randomly in the sand
• Look under that out-of-place rock
• Go back to the ship and see if anything's hiding on board

Go back to the ship and see if anything's hiding on board
The more you think about it, the more you think you came to this island with three Pokémon. Back on the ship, your suspicions are confirmed! But something's wrong! Your beloved former Pokémon Coffeeaddict is attacking you! Oh no! You have to fight! Choose your Pokémon! 

• Legless, I choose you! (1)
• Yuckipoo, I choose you! (1)
• Coffeeaddict, I choose you! (1)
  

Coffeeaddict, I choose you! (1) 

"Coffeeaddict, I choose you!" It just stares at you. It's attacking you. You can't choose a Pokémon that's attacking you. That's just plain stupid. Idiot. Coffeeaddict, thirsty as ever for coffee, jumps through your non-existent defenses and drinks your bodily fluids. You die. Your remaining Pokémon live out their lives, trapped in their individual Pokéballs, cursing your name through all eternity for caging them in their own personal Hell. You're a bad Pokémon trainer. But then, you're dead, so what do you care.

THE END

Yuckipoo, I choose you! (1)
Yuckipoo is tossed into battle and responds by doing what Yuckipoos do best. Flinging poo at the adversary. This seems to stun Coffeeaddict into submission, and soon enough, it's weak enough for you to capture it in one of your empty Pokéballs. Congratulations! You now control Coffeeaddict, a bizarre lizard-like monster that can drink amazing amounts of liquid. Now that you're one big happy family, where to?

• Sail into another cove, this one is lame
• Get yourself back on land and head into the forest
• You're tired. Take a nap.

Sail into another cove, this one is lame
You sail out of this cove and search for another. The skies darken, the clouds gather. The seas worsen. You lose sight of the land. Soon, the ship is tossed, and you, as well as all of your Pokémon, drown.
THE END

You're tired. Take a nap.
You curl up in a ball (not a Pokéball) and go to sleep. You never awaken. You never know why.
THE END

Legless, I choose you! (1)
You let loose the fury of your favorite, Legless. Unfortunately, having no legs, it's pretty damn useless. Coffeeaddict quickly (very quickly actually) makes short work of Legless by drinking the fluids from Leglesses body. Oh no, Legless has fainted! Coffeeaddict, having had its way with its mortal enemy of the moment, races off into the hold of the ship for another java fix. You are left with Yuckipoo and a worthless ball of quivering Pokélameness. Your move Babette.

• Head back to the beach, comb it well
• Didn't you see a thicket brambles back there?
• Follow that now-wild Coffeeaddict!

Didn't you see a thicket brambles back there?   

You reach the thicket of brambles. They are thorny. You wish you had something to cut them with, but you don't. You wish you could fly over them, but you can't. So you say, what the heck, and force your way through them. They catch your clothing and start cutting you to shreds. This really hurts! And you're still not through! Now you're so scratched that most of your clothing is in tatters. Yet you push on. You begin to feel weak, the loss of blood seeping through your abrasions makes you dizzy, and you fall, unable to move. You slowly but surely bleed to death. Man, that sucks!

THE END

Follow that now-wild Coffeeaddict!

Catch that Pokémon! You race deep into the ship after the damn thing, determined to make it pay for what it did to your beloved Legless. Soon your chase winds you out the back door of the boat (don't ask) and back onto the beach. Coofeeaddict is nowhere to be found. But wait! What's that over the next rise? Why it's a weak Tabacci, struggling to survive! What luck! You quickly snatch it up with an empty Pokéball and it's yours! Congratulations! You control Tabacci! True, it's barely alive, but a Pokémon is a Pokémon! You head for the forest, but wait! Who's that standing under the tree? It's another human Pokémon trainer! His name is Habib, he wants to trade! What do you say?

• Let me offer you this weak, yet valuable Tabacci.
• I wish to trade honorably. The only thing of use I have remaining is Yuckipoo.
• Trading is for wimps! Fight! Fight! Yuckipoo, I chose you!

Head back to the beach, comb it well
With Yuckipoo and that waste of Pokémon flesh, Legless, in tow, you travel along the beach. It's a nice beach. Lots of sand. Yup. Looots of sand. Sand o' plenty. Bored yet? Screw it, you're tired of sand so you turn and head towards the approaching forest. As you reach the trees, you hear a noise and a human with really big eyes drops down in front of you! It's another trainer. His name is Horace. He wants to trade Pokémon. What do you say?

• Sure, you can have my totally lame Legless
• I would love a trade. Let me offer my wonderful Yuckipoo to you
• Trade? Never! Fight! Fight now! Yuckipoo, I choose you!

Trading is for wimps! Fight! Fight! Yuckipoo, I chose you!
You unleash Yuckipoo on the unsuspecting Habib, who has come to you in friendship. Yuckipoo flings a mean wad of poo at Habib, who stumbles. Habib stares at you like you're an utter idiot. Which you are. "Wow, is that the best you can do? You suck! I'm gonna go ahead and put you out of your misery." With that he unleashes KillMaimDestroy, a Pokémon of such incredible power and fury, that your heart bursts in terror before the darn thing even has a chance to kill you. It kills you again just for the fun of it. You're dead.
THE END

Trade? Never! Fight! Fight now! Yuckipoo, I choose you!
You unleash Yuckipoo on the unsuspecting Habib, who has come to you in friendship. Yuckipoo flings a mean wad of poo at Habib, who stumbles. Habib stares at you like you're an utter idiot. Which you are. "Wow, is that the best you can do? You suck! I'm gonna go ahead and put you out of your misery." With that he unleashes KillMaimDestroy, a Pokémon of such incredible power and fury, that your heart bursts in terror before the darn thing even has a chance to kill you. It kills you again just for the fun of it. You're dead.
THE END

Let me offer you this weak, yet valuable Tabacci. 

"I will take your Tabacci. Yes, I know it is weak, but I have a Tabacci fetish. Here, take this Hole-in-the-Head. Fare thee well." Congratulations! You now control Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. You continue on your journey. Suddenly, you stumble onto a Pokémon Center! You bring them your worthless Legless and they heal it! Not only that, it has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! Excellent! You leave the Pokémon Center and continue on your journey. Where to?

• Head towards the high ground.
• Let's go climb a tree!

Sure, you can have my totally lame Legless

Horace eyes your pathetic Legless. "No thanks toots, I need a Legless like I need a Hole-in-the-Head. So here, just take my Hole-in-the-Head." Horace hands you a Hole-in-the-Head! You now control Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. You want to thank Horace, but he runs off, and you are alone. So you head deep into the forest. Suddenly, you stumble onto a Pokémon Center! You bring them your worthless Legless and they heal it! Not only that, it has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! Excellent! You leave the Pokémon Center and continue on your journey. Where to?

• Head towards the high ground.
• Let's go climb a tree!

Let's go climb a tree! 

You want to get a good look at your surroundings, so you climb a nearby and inviting tree. You reach the top and take a good look around, and discover that you're not alone. There's a wild MyGodThisThingHasLargeTeeth Pokémon next to you! You smile. It smiles. It shows you its incredibly large teeth. You gulp in fear. It chomps your head off. You die.

THE END

Head towards the high ground. 

You head for higher ground. The forest begins to thin out and you are suddenly attacked by a wild MovieCriticy Pokémon! You have to fight! Choose your Pokémon!

• Yuckipoo, I choose you! (2)
• Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you! (2)
• Armless, I choose you! (2)
  

Yuckipoo, I choose you! (2)

Yuckipoo, I choose you! Yuckipoo charges into the fray, but wait! You grabbed the wrong Pokéball! You throw Armless out there! You fool! Armless falls to the ground in front of the charging MovieCriticy, who is stunned by this lifeless, armless, sad little Pokémon. "Not since Children of a Lesser God has a character filled me with such pity." It says. Well, that's what it's saying, but all you hear is "MovieCriticy, Movie, criticy MovieCriticy! Movie! Movie, Movie, Movie Criticy!" You do, however, notice that it's distracted, and you snatch it up with a Pokéball. Congratulations! You now control MovieCriticy, a small, giraffe-shaped Pokémon who fights by spouting off inane knowledge and uninformed opinions of movies. You're well armed now, with four Pokémon. Up ahead, higher on the mountain, you notice a strange-looking rock formation, and just beyond it, what looks like a cave. Where to first?

• Check out this bizarre rock formation
• Caves are cool! There's gotta be even more Pokémon inside!

Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you! (2) 

Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you! You toss your Hole-in-the-Head at the charging MovieCriticy. Hole-in-the-Head, the most useless of all Pokémon, doesn't really notice. The MovieCriticy is unfazed by your defense and so it quickly and methodically tells you all about how truly rewarding Quest For Fire was. You die of boredom.

THE END

Armless, I choose you! (2) 

You throw Armless out there, like the eternal optimist you are. Armless falls to the ground in front of the charging MovieCriticy, who is stunned by this lifeless, armless, sad little Pokémon. "Not since Awakenings has a character filled me with such pity." It says. Well, that's what it's saying, but all you hear is "MovieCriticy, Movie criticy MovieCriticy! Movie! Movie, Movie, Movie Criticy!" You do, however, notice that it's distracted, and you snatch it up with a Pokéball. Congratulations! You now control MovieCriticy, a small, giraffe-shaped Pokémon who fights by spouting off inane knowledge and uninformed opinions of movies. You're well armed now, with four Pokémon. Up ahead, higher on the mountain, you notice a strange-looking rock formation, and just beyond it, what looks like a cave. Where to first?

• Check out this bizarre rock formation
• Caves are cool! There's gotta be even more Pokémon inside!

Check out this bizarre rock formation 

You approach the strange rock formation. Why, it's in the shape of the very rare Pokémon, MyGodThisThingHasLargeTeeth. You are about to turn around and leave it alone when it comes to life! It IS a MyGodThisThingHasLargeTeeth! You've never seen one before in all your travels! What an incredible moment! Sadly, it doesn't last long because the MyGodThisThingHasLargeTeeth, annoyed at being awoken, chews you up and swallows you down. You make a decent snack. Oh, it eats your Pokémon too.

THE END 

 

I would love a trade. Let me offer my wonderful Yuckipoo to you

Horace eyes your Yuckipoo with amazement. "A Yuckipoo! You've got a Yuckipoo! Yes! Here, take my Bimboboo and my Hole-in-the-Head! A Yuckipoo! Awesome! I'm unstoppable now!" With that he dances off into the night. Congratulations! You now control Bimboboo, a trampy, slutty frog-like creature which likes to seduce other Pokémon and Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. You continue on your journey. Suddenly, you stumble onto a Pokémon Center! You bring them your worthless Legless and they heal it! Not only that, it has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! Excellent! You leave the Pokémon Center and continue on your journey. Where to?

• Continue on deeper into the forest.
• Can't really tell down here, climb to the top of a tree and get a good view.

I wish to trade honorably. The only thing of use I have remaining is Yuckipoo.

"This is a great prize indeed." he says. He takes Yuckipoo, kicking and screaming at being separated from you, and tucks it away. "Please, take this Hole-in-the-Head in return. Also, take Bimboboo. They will serve you well." And with that, he's gone. riding off into the sunset. Congratulations! You now control Bimboboo, a trampy, slutty frog-like creature which likes to seduce other Pokémon and Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. You continue on your journey. Suddenly, you stumble onto a Pokémon Center! You bring them your tired Legless and Tabacci and they heal them! Not only that, Legless has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! Excellent! You leave the Pokémon Center and continue on your journey. Where to?

• Wander aimlessly in the forest until you stumble onto something.
• You need to get your bearings. Climb a tree.

Can't really tell down here, climb to the top of a tree and get a good view.

You want to get a good look at your surroundings, so you climb a nearby and inviting tree. You reach the top and take a good look around, and discover that you're not alone. There's a wild MyGodThisThingHasLargeTeeth Pokémon next to you! You smile. It smiles. It shows you its incredibly large teeth. You gulp in fear. It chomps your head off. You die.

THE END

You need to get your bearings. Climb a tree. 

You want to get a good look at your surroundings, so you climb a nearby and inviting tree. You reach the top and take a good look around, and discover that you're not alone. There's a wild MyGodThisThingHasLargeTeeth Pokémon next to you! You smile. It smiles. It shows you its incredibly large teeth. You gulp in fear. It chomps your head off. You die.

THE END

Wander aimlessly in the forest until you stumble onto something.

You wander aimlessly deeper into the dark forest. Trees surround you, the forest closes in on you. You meet an old witch who says "If you are looking for Buford, you should go to the mountain." Not one to argue with old witches, you head towards the large mountain at the center of the island. The forest thins. Suddenly, you're attacked by a wild MovieCriticy Pokémon! You must fight! Choose your Pokémon!

• Bimboboo, I choose you! (3)
• Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you! (2)
  
• Armless, I choose you! (3)
• Tabacci, I choose you! (3)
  

Bimboboo, I choose you! (3) 

Bimboboo, I choose you! Bimboboo charges into the fray, but wait! You grabbed the wrong Pokéball! You throw Tabacci out there, and MovieCriticy quickly destroys Tabacci completely! Tabacci is gone! So you reach into your bag to toss Bimboboo at the charging MovieCriticy, but you screw up again! You throw Armless out there! You fool! Armless falls to the ground in front of the charging MovieCriticy, who is stunned by this lifeless, armless, sad little Pokémon. "Not since On Golden Pond has a character filled me with such pity." It says. Well, that's what it's saying, but all you hear is "MovieCriticy, Movie, criticy MovieCriticy! Movie! Movie, Movie, Movie Criticy!" You do, however, notice that it's distracted, and you snatch it up with a Pokéball. Congratulations! You now control MovieCriticy, a small, giraffe-shaped Pokémon who fights by spouting off inane knowledge and uninformed opinions of movies. You're well armed now, with four Pokémon. Up ahead, higher on the mountain, you notice a strange-looking rock formation, and just beyond it, what looks like a cave. Where to first?

• Check out this bizarre rock formation
• Caves are cool! There's gotta be even more Pokémon inside!

Armless, I choose you! (3)

You throw Armless out there, like the eternal optimist you are. Armless falls to the ground in front of the charging MovieCriticy, who is stunned by this lifeless, armless, sad little Pokémon. "Not since Lucas has a character filled me with such pity." It says. Well, that's what it's saying, but all you hear is "MovieCriticy, Movie criticy MovieCriticy! Movie! Movie, Movie, Movie Criticy!" You do, however, notice that it's distracted, and you snatch it up with a Pokéball. Congratulations! You now control MovieCriticy, a small, giraffe-shaped Pokémon who fights by spouting off inane knowledge and uninformed opinions of movies. You're well armed now, with four Pokémon. You're about to be overly-pleased with yourself, but then you notice that you've accidentally dropped Tabacci! He's gone! Oh well, you never really liked him anyway. Up ahead, higher on the mountain, you notice a strange-looking rock formation, and just beyond it, what looks like a cave. Where to first?

• Check out this bizarre rock formation
• Caves are cool! There's gotta be even more Pokémon inside!

Tabacci, I choose you! (3)

You toss Tabacci into the fray. It begins to attack the MovieCriticy by spitting disgusting wads of tobacco at it. MovieCriticy is unfazed! It retaliates by boring Tabacci into a stupor with tales of the great Otto Preminger! Oh no, Tabacci has fainted! Now MovieCriticy turns its attentions on you! You can't get away! MovieCriticy attacks you with his comparisons of various versions of A Christmas Carol! You can't take anymore, so you quickly take your own life, to save yourself from hours of torment. You're dead.

THE END

Continue on deeper into the forest.

You wander deeper into the dark forest. Trees surround you, the forest closes in on you. You meet an old witch who says "If you are looking for Buford, you should go to the mountain." Not one to argue with old witches, you head towards the large mountain at the center of the island. The forest thins. Suddenly, you're attacked by a wild MovieCriticy Pokémon! You must fight! Choose your Pokémon!

• Bimboboo, I choose you! (4)
• Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you! (3)
• Armless, I choose you! (3)
  

Bimboboo, I choose you! (4)

Bimboboo, I choose you! Bimboboo charges into the fray, but wait! You grabbed the wrong Pokéball! You throw Armless out there! You fool! Armless falls to the ground in front of the charging MovieCriticy, who is stunned by this lifeless, armless, sad little Pokémon. "Not since Mask has a character filled me with such pity." It says. Well, that's what it's saying, but all you hear is "MovieCriticy, Movie, criticy MovieCriticy! Movie! Movie, Movie, Movie Criticy!" You do, however, notice that it's distracted, and you snatch it up with a Pokéball. Congratulations! You now control MovieCriticy, a small, giraffe-shaped Pokémon who fights by spouting off inane knowledge and uninformed opinions of movies. You're well armed now, with four Pokémon. Up ahead, higher on the mountain, you notice a strange-looking rock formation, and just beyond it, what looks like a cave. Where to first?

• Check out this bizarre rock formation
• Caves are cool! There's gotta be even more Pokémon inside!

Dig randomly in the sand

Your senseless and meaningless digging uncovers a wild LawClerky! It's coming at you! You must fight! Choose your Pokémon.

• Legless, I choose you! (5)
• Yuckipoo, I choose you! (5)
• Run! (5)
  

Legless, I choose you! (5)

You unleash your favorite Pokémon, Legless. Once released from his Pokéball, Legless rolls on the ground aimlessly like a pathetic fool. LawClerky mocks your poor friend and tires him out with relentless babble about International Trademark Infringement Laws. Oh no! Legless has fainted! What a pansy! LawClerky runs off, victorious, and you're left with Yuckipoo and a useless Legless. How utterly lame. Where to now Einstein?

• Further down the beach
• Into that thicket of brambles
• Follow that wild LawClerky!

Yuckipoo, I choose you! (5)

You unleash Yuckipoo at this random foe, and it happily begins to fling poo at the intruder. LawClerky can't take it! He's weakened! You fling an empty Pokéball at it, it's captured! It's yours! Congratulations, you now control LawClerky, a weasel-like Pokémon who has an uncanny knowledge of international trademark infringement laws. Where to now?

• East. You just like the sound of the word 'East'
• You're hungry, time for a Pokésnack
• Screw travel, keep digging!

Run! (5)

Nothing can defeat the amazing arcane knowledge of the LawClerky! You turn and flee, like the coward you are. Soon, the LawClerky cannot follow you, and it stops to work on a brief. You're safe! But nowhere closer to finding the elusive Pokémon, Buford. Time for action!

• Head towards those Palm trees
• Fly
• Head towards the mountain

Further down the beach

--> Head back to the beach, comb it well

 

Into that thicket of brambles

You reach the thicket of brambles. They are thorny. You wish you had something to cut them with, but you don't. You wish you could fly over them, but you can't. So you say, what the heck, and force your way through them. They catch your clothing and start cutting you to shreds. This really hurts! And you're still not through! Now you're so scratched that most of your clothing is in tatters. Yet you push on. You begin to feel weak, the loss of blood seeping through your abrasions makes you dizzy, and you fall, unable to move. You slowly but surely bleed to death. Man, that sucks!

THE END

 Follow that wild LawClerky!

Catch that Pokémon! You race after the damn thing, determined to make it pay for what it did to your beloved Legless. Alas, it is too quick for you, and soon it is out of sight. But what's that on that small hill? Why, it's a wild Tabacci, a small mouse-like beast that can spit wads of tobacco at opponents. It's injured! You quickly and quietly toss a Pokéball at it and it's yours! Congratulations! You control Tabacci! True, it's a weak, injured Tabacci, but a Pokémon is a Pokémon! You head for the forest, but wait! Who's that standing under the tree? It's another human Pokémon trainer! his name is Hank, he wants to trade! What do you say? Let me offer you this weak, yet valuable Tabacci. I wish to trade honorably. The only thing of use I have remaining is Yuckipoo. Trading is for wimps! Fight! Fight! Yuckipoo, I chose you!

Get yourself back on land and head into the forest

You head for the forest. It's a nice day, and you look up and enjoy the sun. Suddenly, you drop your bag of Pokéballs! Oh no! You fall to the ground and search through the sand for them. And you find them! You're so pleased. Except when you look your balls, you notice that you don't have your Coffeeaddict Pokémon! Instead, you are the proud owner of LawClerky, a weasel-like Pokémon who has an uncanny knowledge of international trademark infringement laws. Oh well, a Pokémon's a Pokémon. You're doing great, Big Bertha! As you continue on, you see something in the distance. As you get closer, you see it is another Pokémon trainer! Her name is Marcia Brady. She wants to trade! What do you say?

• Are you the real Masha Brady?
• Screw trading! You're doing great without anyone's help! Keep walking!
• OK Marcia, I'll offer you my Yuckipoo or my LawClerky, but not both!

East. You just like the sound of the word 'East' 

You head East. Sure of yourself. You're doing great, Big Bertha! As you head east, towards the rising sun, you see something in the distance. As you get closer, you see it is another Pokémon trainer! Her name is Marcia Brady. She wants to trade! What do you say?

• Are you the real Masha Brady?
• Screw trading! You're doing great without anyone's help! Keep walking!
• OK Marcia, I'll offer you my Yuckipoo or my LawClerky, but not both!

You're hungry, time for a Pokésnack 

Watching your Pokémon fight makes you hungry. So you decide to eat something. but you have no food. However, you have three Pokémon, including a rather tired and spent and new LawClerky. So let's eat him! You open up your new Pokéball to get at your meal, when the unthinkable happens! Well, OK, it's not all that unthinkable, I mean you have to expect something like this when you decide to eat your Pokémon. we just can't have that. Sets a bad example. Anyway, LawClerky isn't as tired as you thought, and once he's released he turns on you, numbing you with endless and mindless legalese. Soon, you're almost sure you're committed untold acts of International Trademark Infringement, and you feel bad. But not as bad as you feel when LawClerky stops lecturing you, and starts eating you. Now THAT feels bad.

THE END

Screw travel, keep digging!

Where there's one Pokémon, there may be more! You continue digging furiously and sure enough, you unearth another Pokémon! It's a Gooeygooey! It slimes it's way out of the hole at you and you react the only the way you can. Fight! The only full-strength Pokémon you have left is Legless so you unleash it upon the Gooeygooey. Legless lands in the sand with a big plop and then, having no legs, it flails uselessly. Gooeygooey quickly makes quick work of Legless with an attack of relentless goo. On no! Legless has fainted! Gooeygooey runs off and you gather your tired, wimpy Legless into your arms. Now you have three Pokémon, and they're all really tired. You need a Pokémon Center! So you head off into the forest and lo and behold, find a Pokémon Center! You bring them your tired Pokémon and they heal them! Not only that, Legless has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! What a great day! You leave the Pokémon Center and continue on your journey. Where to?

• Go back to that hole! Dig some more!
• Go back into the Pokémon Center, check it out
• Make for the forest, the trees look especially lovely.

Go back to that hole! Dig some more! 

You head back to your hole and dig yet again. Soon, you have dug a hole so incredibly deep, that you can't see over the rim. You keep digging. Now the hole is so deep, you can't get back out. Then you realize that it's a hole in the sand, and that sand doesn't make the sturdiest walls. Then the walls of sand flow into the hole and bury you, and you die.

THE END

Go back into the Pokémon Center, check it out 

That was a really nice place, why not go back and check it out. You enter and meet Asaki Soshimi, another Pokémon trainer. And he's really good. Incredibly good. Like he was born to train Pokémon. You're intimidated. "Hello Big Bertha," he says, "I've been waiting for you. I am a great Pokémon trainer. Much better than you. I will trade with you. You do not have a choice in this." With that he takes your LawClerky and hands you a Pokéball. "I give you Hole-in-the-Head. The most useless Pokémon in existence. And I take your LawClerky, a valuable warrior. I have cheated you badly with this trade. But that is the way life is." And with that, he leaves. Congratulations! You now control Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. Lot of good it will do you. You leave the Pokémon Center in control of three Pokémon, Armless, Yuckipoo and Hole-in-the-Head. Where would you like to go now?

• Get out of the forest before you trade away every Pokémon you got!
• Climb to the top of that tree to get your bearings.

Climb to the top of that tree to get your bearings.

You want to get a good look at your surroundings, so you climb a nearby and inviting tree. You reach the top and take a good look around, and discover that you're not alone. There's a wild MyGodThisThingHasLargeTeeth Pokémon next to you! You smile. It smiles. It shows you its incredibly large teeth. You gulp in fear. It chomps your head off. You die.

THE END

 Get out of the forest before you trade away every Pokémon you got!

 --> Head towards the high ground.

 

Make for the forest, the trees look especially lovely.

You head for the lovely forest. It is very lovely. How very lovely it is. Wait! What's that on the ground! Why, it's a Pokémon! A wild Hole-in-the-Head! You prepare to defend yourself, but it isn't doing anything, just sitting there. So, without further ado, you snatch it with an empty Pokéball. Congratulations! You now control Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. Still, Pokémon are Pokémon. And you gotta catch 'em all! So you caught it, where do you wanna go now?

• Let's climb a lovely tree in this lovely forest and see if you can see anything of import up there.
• Keep heading in. You know the elusive Buford will probably live more towards the interior of the island.

Let's climb a lovely tree in this lovely forest and see if you can see anything of import up there.

You want to get a good look at your surroundings, so you climb a nearby and inviting tree. You reach the top and take a good look around, and discover that you're not alone. There's a wild MyGodThisThingHasLargeTeeth Pokémon next to you! You smile. It smiles. It shows you its incredibly large teeth. You gulp in fear. It chomps your head off. You die.

THE END

Keep heading in. You know the elusive Buford will probably live more towards the interior of the island. 

You approach the interior of the island. The terrain is rockier here, fewer trees. More danger. Suddenly, you are attacked by a wild MovieCriticy! You must fight! Choose your Pokémon!

• Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you! (2)
• Yuckipoo, I choose you! (6)
• Armless, I choose you! (6)
• LawClerky, I choose you! (6)
  

Yuckipoo, I choose you! (6)

"Go get 'em Yuckipoo!" You toss Yuckipoo at the MovieCriticy and wait for the carnage to take place. But nothing happens! Oh no, you tossed Armless instead! You realize your mistake and expect to die any moment, but then you notice that MovieCriticy isn't attacking. It's staring at Armless with pure pity in its eyes! Quickly, knowing this may be your only chance, you toss an empty Pokémon at it and catch it! Congratulations! You now control MovieCriticy, a small, giraffe-shaped Pokémon who fights by spouting off inane knowledge and uninformed opinions of movies. Up ahead, higher on the mountain, you notice a strange-looking rock formation, and just beyond it, what looks like a cave. Where to first?

• Check out this bizarre rock formation
• Caves are cool! There's gotta be even more Pokémon inside!

Armless, I choose you! (6) 

You defend yourself the only way you know how, by instinctively using Armless. You realize your mistake and expect to die any moment, but then you notice that MovieCriticy isn't attacking. It's staring at Armless with pure pity in its eyes! Quickly, knowing this may be your only chance, you toss an empty Pokéball at it and catch it! Congratulations! You now control MovieCriticy, a small, giraffe-shaped Pokémon who fights by spouting off inane knowledge and uninformed opinions of movies. Up ahead, higher on the mountain, you notice a strange-looking rock formation, and just beyond it, what looks like a cave. Where to first?

• Check out this bizarre rock formation
• Caves are cool! There's gotta be even more Pokémon inside!

LawClerky, I choose you! (6) 

"LawClerky, I choose you!" And LawClerky jumps into the battle. MovieCriticy is momentarily stunned as LawClerky informs it that there are a large number of international trademark infringement laws which are being bent and even broken at this very moment. However, MovieCriticy recovers and begins to explain to LawClerky why no movie with a budget of over 20 million dollars can ever be any good. LawClerky is powerless to resist and soon runs off to make an independent film about Pokémon cruelty! You're left defenseless! Now MovieCriticy comes at you, and you soon succumb to its charms. Once MovieCriticy has you under its power, it forces you to watch Godzilla over and over again. No sane human could withstand such torture, and you quickly die.

THE END

Are you the real Masha Brady?

She drops her head sadly. "Yes. I am she. Let adrift after 5 seasons of The Brady Bunch, I found my true calling training Pokémon. Please don't tell anyone, I'm so ashamed." You pat her on the back, consoling her. Suddenly, your Legless gets loose from its Pokéball and attacks Marcia! She screams and wails in horror but it's no use! Legless, no legs and all, manages to knock her backwards and she falls onto a random metal spike sticking up out of the desert! You've killed Marcia Brady! More importantly, you get her Pokémon! Congratulations! You now control Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. Sad at the death of a TV icon, yet happy to own more Pokémon, you continue on. Unfortunately, the scuffle has worn-out Legless. Suddenly, you stumble onto a Pokémon Center! You bring them your tired Legless and they heal it! Not only that, Legless has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! What a great day! You leave the Pokémon Center and continue on your journey. Where to?

• This East thing is working well! Let's keep going!
• It's time to head towards the interior of the island.

This East thing is working well! Let's keep going!

East has done well for you, so you see no reason to stop and change anything. You continue on, pleased with yourself. Things are going well. You'll find that Buford Pokémon any moment now. Smug about your possibilities, you begin to hum a little tune. Sadly, you get so caught up in your good fortune that you don't notice that the world has ended and you step off the edge and fall into the burning face of the rising sun. Your body cooks with the flame of a thousand charcoal briquettes. Ouch. Oh, the Pokémon all burn up too, and that's just cruel.

THE END

It's time to head towards the interior of the island.

--> Keep heading in. You know the elusive Buford will probably live more towards the interior of the island. 

 

Screw trading! You're doing great without anyone's help! Keep walking!

--> This East thing is working well! Let's keep going!

 

OK Marcia, I'll offer you my Yuckipoo or my LawClerky, but not both!

Marhsa frowns in concentration. "Well let's see. I already have a LawClerky, but I don't have a Yuckipoo. So I'll definitely take your Yuckipoo. But it's really not that rare, I've just been lazy in capturing it. So I'm not gonna give you anything in return." What a selfish bitch! "Oh Marcia!" You admonish, "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! That's not right." She hangs her head in shame. "You're right, I'm sorry. Here, have my Hole-in-the-Head. I've never found a use for it anyway." Congratulations! You now control Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. Marcia heads off into the land of even more reruns and you are left with a brand new Pokémon. Isn't life sweet? But now what?

• You should start dancing in your good fortune.
• You know, it might be fun to see your Pokémon fight each other.
• Keep heading east. That's done real well for you so far.

Keep heading east. That's done real well for you so far.

-->  This East thing is working well! Let's keep going!

 

You know, it might be fun to see your Pokémon fight each other.

You're feeling especially violent today, so you toss your Pokémon at each other in a Slam-Fest free for all! Hole-in-the-Head just sits there, being completely useless and all, and Legless isn't much better. LawClerky starts to wail upon its fellow Pokémon, but with no real opposition, it soon tires. However, the scuffle has attracted a wild Bimoboo Pokémon! The Bimboboo seizes upon the chance to fight, and attacks the strongest available Pokémon, LawClerky! But LawClerky is already spent! It's no match for the fresh Bimboboo! As you stand watching in horror, the Bimboboo completely guts your LawClerky, which is probably a mixed blessing, because everyone knows that LawClerkys evolve into Lawyers, and everyone hates blood-sucking Lawyers. You quietly mourn the passing of LawClerky, but whenever fate closes a door, it opens a window, and there before you is a stired and spent Bimboboo, so you snag it! It's yours! Congratulations! You now control Bimboboo, a trampy, slutty frog-like creature which likes to seduce other Pokémon! As you continue on, you come to a magical Pokémon Center! You bring them your Pokémon and they are healed! Not only that, Legless has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! O joyous day! You leave the Pokémon Center feeling refreshed and happy. You are at the edge of a dark forest, where would you like to go now?

• Climb up a tree and see if you can see anything
• Hike deeper into the forest

Climb up a tree and see if you can see anything

--> Let's go climb a tree!

 

Hike deeper into the forest

--> Continue on deeper into the forest.

 

You should start dancing in your good fortune. 

You dance the dance of a thousand happy Pokémon. You twirl and glide, hop and skip. However, unknown to you, your dance of unlimited frenzy is also the summoning ritual of the highly volatile Pokémon, BoaConstricty! As you dance around with your eyes closed, the newly-summoned BoaConstricty joins in your dance and twirls itself around you, crushing you! Oh no, you've died! Maybe next time you'll realize that Pokémon hunting is no time for dancing! Stupid Solid Gold wannabe.

THE END

Fly 

Big Bertha! You can't do that here! Try again.

• OK, head for those Palm trees
• OK, head for the mountain
• I said fly, dammit!

I said fly, dammit!

I'm telling you, there's no way flying is gonna do you the least bit of good. Trust me.

• You're right, you're right. Head for the Palm trees
• You're right, you're right, head for the mountain
• I said fly, and God Damn it, I'm gonna fly!

I said fly, and God Damn it, I'm gonna fly! 

OK. Fine. You fly. Not like you know how or have anything that could help you fly. In fact, you're just being stubborn. Well, Flannel Island can be just as stubborn. You fly real high, so high that you lose sight of the island. You try to return to Flannel Island, to search for the all-important Buford Pokémon, but you can't find it. You end up flying over the airspace of the evil Dr. Killforfun, and he shoots you out of the sky. You're dead. Maybe next time, you'll listen to me when I tell you not to fly.

THE END

Head towards those Palm trees

You head for the tantalizing Palm trees in the distance. How very exciting! You reach the Palm trees. Wonderful! You look up at the palm trees! Beautiful! A large palm frond breaks off from the tree and comes crashing down on top of you, killing you instantly. Bummer!

THE END

Head towards the mountain

You head for the mountain. Before you get there, a wild Pokémon charges you and you must attack! Oh man, you need a fight like you need a Hole in the head. In fact, that's what's fighting you, a Hole-in-the-Head! Without thinking, you launch Legless into the fray. Legless sits there on the ground, wailing about miserably with no legs. Hole-in-the-Head sits there as well, completely useless. Now this is exciting. You end the misery by scooping up Hole-in-the-Head with an empty Pokéball. Congratulations! You now control Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. Plus, Legless is tired out from the fight. Like it did any actual fighting! What a wimpy Pokémon! As you continue on, you notice what looks like an abandoned hut. What do you want to do?

• Go into the hut
• Give the hut a wide berth
• Toss a Pokémon into the hut and see if anything happens

Go into the hut

You slowly enter the abandoned hut only to find out that it's a Pokémon Center! You bring them your tired Pokémon and they heal them! Not only that, Legless has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! Oh happy day! You leave the Pokémon Center feeling refreshed and alive. Where to?

• You liked the mountain idea, keep heading towards higher ground
• Check out that strange rock formation

Check out that strange rock formation

--> Check out this bizarre rock formation

 

You liked the mountain idea, keep heading towards higher ground

--> Head towards the high ground.

 

Give the hut a wide berth 

Dark, abandoned buildings are to be feared! You give that eerie place a wide berth and head towards the mountain. Suddenly, something appears up ahead and is coming towards you! Then another thing! And another! it's a Pokémon stampede! You turn and run, trying to find someplace safe, somewhere this stampede wouldn't run! Like maybe an abandoned hut! If only you could get there before the stampede tramples you! But you can't. And now you know the joy of being run over by a thousand wild Pokémon. Pretty darned painful. And deadly. You die.

THE END

Toss a Pokémon into the hut and see if anything happens

You toss your only remaining strong Pokémon, Yuckipoo, into the hut. There is a moment of silence. Then, a Pokéball is tossed back out at you! But it's not Yuckipoo, it's Bimboboo! Congratulations! You now control Bimboboo, a trampy, slutty frog-like creature which likes to seduce other Pokémon! Curious about the hut, you approach and enter, only to find that it's a Pokémon Center! You bring them your tired Pokémon and they heal them! Not only that, Legless has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! You ask to have your Yuckipoo returned to you, and they tell you to go stuff yourself. So you exit. Now where to?

• Check out that oddly beckoning rock formation
• Just keep punching away up the mountain

Check out that oddly beckoning rock formation

--> Check out this bizarre rock formation 

 

Just keep punching away up the mountain

You like the mountain, you've done well by the mountain. So you continue up the mountain. Suddenly an absolutely huge NumberOfTheBeastie rears up in front of you. You do the only thing possible. You run. You run fast, you run far. You run into forest. Sure you could have tossed a Pokémon at it, but it would have eaten your Pokémon, and then eaten you as well. This is not a Pokémon to be taken lightly. Soon, you know it hasn't followed you and you are lost within the forest. Any ideas?

• Continue working your way deeper into the forest
• Climb up into the top branches of one of these trees and see where you are

Climb up into the top branches of one of these trees and see where you are

--> Let's go climb a tree!

 

Continue working your way deeper into the fores

--> Continue on deeper into the forest.

 

Look under that out-of-place rock 

Knowing that a lone rock in all this sand means booty, you pick up the random stone. Sure enough you've found Pokémon! A wild Tabacci springs at you! Time to fight! Choose your Pokémon.

• Legless, I choose you! (7)
• Yuckipoo, I choose you! (7)
• Run!

Legless, I choose you! (7) 

You toss your beloved Legless into the ring. It sits there, unable to do much since it has no legs. It wails about with its arms a bit, but Tabacci simply stands back and proceeds to spit large wads of Tobacco at it! Oh no, Legless has fainted! How lame! You cower in terror at the might of Tabacci, but it spares your life, and heads off into the forest. You've been spared, though you're not exactly sure why. Now what, Brainiac?

• Further down the beach
• Into that thicket of brambles
• Follow that wild Tabacci!

Yuckipoo, I choose you! (7)

You unleash Yuckipoo from his Pokéball and it proceeds to sit on the sand and fling poo at Tabacci. Tabacci tries to counter by spitting disgusting wads of tobacco, but poo is stronger than chew any day! It's weak! You hurl an empty Pokéball at it and capture it! Congratulations! You now control Tabacci, a small mouse-like beast that can spit wads of tobacco at opponents. Woo! But your quest is far from over, Buford awaits. Where to?

• East. That's as good a direction as any.
• You smell something. Better check it out.
• Head towards that stranger rock formation.

 Run! (7)

 Nothing can defeat the disgusting yet impressive spitting accuracy of Tabacci! You turn and flee, like the coward you are. Soon, the Tabacci cannot follow you, and it stops to chew some more cud. You're safe! But nowhere closer to finding the elusive Pokémon, Buford. Time for action!

• Head towards those Palm trees
• Fly
• Head towards the mountain

 

Into that thicket of brambles

--> Didn't you see a thicket brambles back there?

 

Further down the beach

--> Head back to the beach, comb it well

 

Head towards that stranger rock formation.

--> Check out this bizarre rock formation

 

East. That's as good a direction as any. 

You march east. Soon, you grow tired of east and turn north. Eventually, north also holds no passion for you, and you turn west. You see where this is going right? So you stop, cross eveybody up and head north again. Now you are totally lost. What you need are directions. What you get is another human Pokémon trainer! His name is Harold, he wants to trade! What do you say?

• Take my Tabacci, please!
• I can give you a Yuckipoo, if you really want it.
• Trading is for wimps! Fight! Fight! Yuckipoo, I chose you!

Trading is for wimps! Fight! Fight! Yuckipoo, I chose you! 

This is a really bad idea. You send Yuckipoo into battle, and flings poo and Harold is a little annoyed. You're gonna die, you know that, don't you? Do even want to bother reading the rest? Another trainer wanted to trade and you decided to fight him. That's just wrong. You die. Harold summons seventeen demon Pokémon from the dimension of pain. They all take turns juggling your innards. It's really gross, and you're really dead.

THE END

I can give you a Yuckipoo, if you really want it.

--> I wish to trade honorably. The only thing of use I have remaining is Yuckipoo.

 

Take my Tabacci, please!

--> Let me offer you this weak, yet valuable Tabacci.

 

Follow that wild Tabacci! 

Catch that Pokémon! You race after the damn thing, determined to make it pay for what it did to your beloved Legless. As you race across the sand, you notice that it is slowing, and in fact, it has stopped on a hill up ahead of you. And it's crying! It's terrified! Poor thing, the confrontation has scared it out of its wits! Your heart bleds for this poor, enchanted creature. However, a Pokémon is a Pokémon and you snag it and make it yours. Congratulations! You control Tabacci! True, it's a sad, wimpy Tabacci, but a Pokémon is a Pokémon! You head for the forest, but wait! Who's that standing under the tree? It's another human Pokémon trainer! His name is Hector, he wants to trade! What do you say?

• Let me offer you this wussy, yet valuable Tabacci.
• I wish to trade honorably. The only thing of use I have remaining is Yuckipoo.
• Trading is for wimps! Fight! Fight! Yuckipoo, I chose you!

Let me offer you this wussy, yet valuable Tabacci.

--> Let me offer you this weak, yet valuable Tabacci.

 

I wish to trade honorably. The only thing of use I have remaining is Yuckipoo.

--> I wish to trade honorably. The only thing of use I have remaining is Yuckipoo.

 

Trading is for wimps! Fight! Fight! Yuckipoo, I chose you! 

You unleash Yuckipoo on the unsuspecting Hector, who has come to you in friendship. Yuckipoo flings a mean wad of poo at Hector, who stumbles. Now he's angry. He grabs a ball out of his sack. "God damn it! That pisses me off! You're going down little girl! LordSatany, I choose you!" Suddenly, LordSatany, the ruler of Hell appears. It sucks your soul out of your body and you spend the rest of eternity in eternal torment. I think we've learned a valuable lesson today, don't you? Don't screw around with hector!

THE END

You smell something. Better check it out. 

You venture over a ridge and approach a strange smell. As you top the rise, you find a small corpse lying on the ground rotting. Ew! Disgusting! You turn to leave, but an evil ghost stops you. "Halt!" It cries. "You must appease me with a sacrifice!" The ghost looks really mean. Whatcha wanna do?

• Sacrifice Yuckipoo
• Sacrifice Tabacci
• Screw this stupid ghost! Kill it! Kill it now!

Screw this stupid ghost! Kill it! Kill it now!

No ghost is gonna dictate terms to you! You quickly reach for a Pokéball to teach this damn ghost a lesson. But you suddenly stiffen, as the ghost takes possession of your body. Then, as you, the ghost promptly eats all of your Pokémon. Not satisfied with that, it eats forces you to eat yourself as well. Tasty, but fatal. Buh-Bye.

THE END

Sacrifice Yuckipoo

You figure, heck, better appease the spirits. So you go ahead and give the ghost Yuckipoo. The ghost is pleased. "This is a great prize indeed." he says. He takes Yuckipoo, kicking and screaming at being separated from you, and tucks it away to take with him back to the netherworld. "Please, take this Hole-in-the-Head in return. Also, take Bimboboo. They will serve you well." And with that, he's gone. Congratulations! You now control Bimboboo, a trampy, slutty frog-like creature which likes to seduce other Pokémon and Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. You continue on your journey. Suddenly, you stumble onto a Pokémon Center! You bring them your tired Legless and Tabacci and they heal them! Not only that, Legless has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! Excellent! You leave the Pokémon Center and continue on your journey. Where to?

• Wander aimlessly in the forest until you stumble onto something.
• You need to get your bearings. Climb a tree.

Sacrifice Tabacci

Since you just picked the damn Tabacci up, you have no emotional attachment. You toss Tabacci to the ghost. It snatches it up and frowns. Then he gives you a guilty look. "I will take your Tabacci. Yes, I know it is weak, but I have a Tabacci fetish. Here, take this Hole-in-the-Head. Fare thee well." Congratulations! You now control Hole-in-the-Head, a completely useless bird-like Pokémon with no skills whatsoever. You continue on your journey. Suddenly, you stumble onto a Pokémon Center! You bring them your worthless Legless and they heal it! Not only that, it has evolved! Congratulations! Your Legless has evolved into an Armless! Now, not only does it have no legs, but it has no arms as well. It's just a stump with a head! Excellent! You leave the Pokémon Center and continue on your journey. Where to?

• Head towards the high ground.
• Let's go climb a tree!

Caves are cool! There's gotta be even more Pokémon inside!You enter the cave. It natural rock is damp to the touch. The cave is dark and foreboding. You turn the corner and see a door marked Pokémon Center! What luck! You stop in and ask if they'll refresh your Pokémon, and they say they will, but at a price. You must give them LawClerky and Yuckipoo. You think about it, that's a high price. Finally, you agree. So they refresh your Pokémon. But there's abonus! They give you a Bimboboo! Congratulations! You now control Bimboboo, a trampy, slutty frog-like creature which likes to seduce other Pokémon! Not only that, Armless has evolved! Congratulations! Armless has become Headless! Now it's basically a stump. A little Poké-torso. You leave the Poké Center, sure that you are closer than ever to the elusive Buford. Suddenly, you enter a large chamber and there it is! Buford! And it's attacking you!

Time to fight!

• Headless, I choose you! (8)
• MovieCriticy, I choose you! (8)
• Bimboboo, I choose you! (8)
• Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you! (8)

Headless, I choose you! (8)

"Headless, I choose you!" With a quick toss, Headless is loosed upon the unsuspecting Buford. It sits there, doing nothing. Buford prepares to defend itself, but has nothing to defend itself from. It peers at Headless, suspecting a trick. Headless just sits there, the useless torso that it is. Buford is now beginning to panic. What is Headless up to? What horrible attack is coming his way? Buford doesn't know. Headless continues to sit there, dead to the world. Buford is now in a full panic. He begins to shake from fear. Soon, his entire body is uncontrollably shaking and twitching. Buford's going to explode from fear! You quickly duck behind a rock as Buford's entire body suddenly explodes into a thousand pieces! When the carnage is over, you scoop up the remaining pieces of Buford in an empty Pokéball. You've got it! You've caught Buford! You've won!

THE END

MovieCriticy, I choose you! (8)

"MovieCriticy, I choose you!" And what that, you toss MovieCriticy at Buford. MovieCriticy lands and begins to explain to Buford why Sophie's Choice was one of the better movies of our time. Buford sits a moment in agreement. Yes, Meryl Streep truly gave a phenomenal performance. They really should make more movies like that. Feeling confident, MovieCriticy moves on to the merits of Gandhi. Again, Buford is in complete agreement. His defenses are weakening! Going for the kill, MovieCriticy launches into a description of the merits of My Dinner With Andre. At this, Buford rears back angrily! Oh no! He doesn't agree with MovieCriticy! He thought My Dinner With Andre was boring! MovieCriticy doesn't know what to do! Look out MovieCritciy! Buford smacks MovieCriticy into the wall! Oh no! MovieCriticy has fainted! Buford, angered at being disturbed by a second-rate MovieCriticy, turns his anger to you. You quickly scramble in your bag, looking for another Pokéball to toss at Buford, but it's too late! With one swift smack to the head, Buford sends you spinning into the cave wall, where you fall to the floor dead from the impact.

You came so close! You actually saw Buford, the rare and highly collectible Pokémon. If only you had lived to bring it home.

THE END

Bimboboo, I choose you! (8)

"Bimboboo! I choose you!" You toss Bimboboo into the ring and it lands with a soft, seductive pounce. It turns it's attentions to Buford. "Bimbo! Bimboboo! Bim, bim, bimbo! Bimboboo!" It purrs in a sexy voice. Buford is momentarily taken aback by this sensual attack, but it quickly frowns, reaches out, and squishes Bimboboo in it's hands! Oh no! Bimboboo has fainted! Actually, Bimboboo has been squished into a pile of mush! Buford wasn't interested in Bimboboo! It stares at you, and the eyes peer through your soul. This is not going to be pleasant. Buford grabs you by the ears and rips your head off! Oh my God, the pain!

THE END

Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you! (8)

"Hole-in-the-Head, I choose you!" You hurl your mighty Hole-in-the-Head at Buford. Buford ducks out of the way and Hole-in-the-Head lands against the back wall. It does nothing. Remember, it's the most useless Pokémon ever created. However, Buford was momentarily distracted, you have another chance!

• Headless, I choose you! (9)
• MovieCriticy, I choose you! (9)
• Bimboboo, I choose you! (9)
  

Bimboboo, I choose you! (9)

"Bimboboo! I choose you!" You toss Bimboboo into the ring and it lands with a soft, seductive pounce. It turns it's attentions to Buford. "Bimbo! Bimboboo! Bim, bim, bimbo! Bimboboo!" It purrs in a sexy voice. Buford is momentarily taken aback by this sensual attack, but it quickly frowns, reaches out, and squishes Bimboboo in it's hands! Oh no! Bimboboo has fainted! Actually, Bimboboo has been squished into a pile of mush! Buford wasn't interested in Bimboboo! It stares at you, and the eyes peer through your soul. This is not going to be pleasant. Buford grabs you by the ears and rips your head off! Oh my God, the pain!

THE END

MovieCriticy, I choose you! (9)

"MovieCriticy, I choose you!" And what that, you toss MovieCriticy at Buford. MovieCriticy lands and begins to explain to Buford why Sophie's Choice was one of the better movies of our time. Buford sits a moment in agreement. Yes, Meryl Streep truly gave a phenomenal performance. They really should make more movies like that. Feeling confident, MovieCriticy moves on to the merits of Gandhi. Again, Buford is in complete agreement. His defenses are weakening! Going for the kill, MovieCriticy launches into a description of the merits of My Dinner With Andre. At this, Buford rears back angrily! Oh no! He doesn't agree with MovieCriticy! He thought My Dinner With Andre was boring! MovieCriticy doesn't know what to do! Look out MovieCritciy! Buford smacks MovieCriticy into the wall! Oh no! MovieCriticy has fainted! Buford, angered at being disturbed by a second-rate MovieCriticy, turns his anger to you. You quickly scramble in your bag, looking for another Pokéball to toss at Buford, but it's too late! With one swift smack to the head, Buford sends you spinning into the cave wall, where you fall to the floor dead from the impact.

You came so close! You actually saw Buford, the rare and highly collectible Pokémon. If only you had lived to bring it home.

THE END

Headless, I choose you! (9)

"Headless, I choose you!" With a quick toss, Headless is loosed upon the unsuspecting Buford. It sits there, doing nothing. Buford prepares to defend itself, but has nothing to defend itself from. It peers at Headless, suspecting a trick. Headless just sits there, the useless torso that it is. Buford is now beginning to panic. What is Headless up to? What horrible attack is coming his way? Buford doesn't know. Headless continues to sit there, dead to the world. Buford is now in a full panic. He begins to shake from fear. Soon, his entire body is uncontrollably shaking and twitching. Buford's going to explode from fear! You quickly duck behind a rock as Buford's entire body suddenly explodes into a thousand pieces! When the carnage is over, you scoop up the remaining pieces of Buford in an empty Pokéball. You've got it! You've caught Buford!

YOU'VE WON!